Who’s in charge of your family? Let’s begin answering that question by thinking back to your “BC” days—life Before Children.

If you’re like me, you’re probably having a hard time remembering your life before kids. Here are a few reminders of what it was like. You could eat whenever & wherever you wanted to eat. There were no high chairs, no happy meals, and no texting through dinner. Free time was actually “free”. You could sleep in on Saturday without rushing off to the ball fields. You could go on a date with your spouse without worrying about babysitters or curfews. Before children, your marriage was at the center of your universe. Your primary role at home was to be a husband or a wife.

Now, back to reality. An organizational shift occurs in our homes once a baby is born. The wife forgoes her primary role of being a wife…and becomes a mother. She often immerses herself in lives of her children. Her focus shifts to everything from caring for their needs to school activities to extracurricular activities. The husband also gives up his primary role of being a husband…and becomes a father. With the additional responsibility, he begins to step up his role as a provider and that quickly becomes the driving force of his life.

When this shift occurs, the marriage relationship gets pushed to the background. Spouses move further away from each other and the marriages begins to break apart. The kids become the center of the family’s universe. And over time, we give more and more control of our families to our kids.

Kids extracurricular activities and career opportunities begin to rob our marriages of quality time, regular intimacy, meaningful conversations, and emotional connection.

I wish I could say this scenario is the exception in our culture, but unfortunately it has become the rule.

In my next post, we are going to dive into how we can re-organize our families according to God’s original design.

Check out Ed Young Jr’s book, Kid CEO, if you want to learn more about this organizational shift that occurs in families.